Yesterday a massive dude with a gold tooth came into the gallery carrying a painting. The painting was of a little boat on a calm sea in front of a vivid orange sunset. It was like a kind of 70s Carribbean paradise.
He said the painting had hung in a hotel foyer for many years and was also powerful as it had been given to him by a spiritual person. He was just off to to Hyde Park to sell it.
Then the brass handles of the gallery door caught his eye and he shook his head worriedly. ‘I think you need to have this brass cleaning. There is a lot of swine flu about and this brass is getting much too dirty. It's dangerous and catching. You're going to get infected.’
This made me laugh. After I told him we didn’t want the brass cleaning he went off down the street to the carpet shop, to check their handles.
I was a bit perplexed by this visitor, but then I remembered the gallery manual the last assistant gave me - there’s a section of the manual dedicated to regular visitors. I looked down the list, and there he was! Aha!
‘Crazy brass-cleaning man – he will visit the gallery every few months and want to clean the brass on the door. He will tell you that you will get HIV if he doesn’t clean it. Try not to let him catch you alone in the gallery and in the loo as he will make suggestive remarks.’
(NB - C-B-C man must have updated his spiel since then – swineflu being a more current concern!)
Better than a story. How intrigueing to keep a log of cautions.
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